Letting People Go

by Kelvin Belfon

Letting People Go

Relationships are one of the deepest human needs. This is because we are gregarious beings, sociable, fond of companionship and having a deep need to share our lives with others. Some of us are less or more cordial than others. But at the core, we all crave relationships.

Relationships are key to our happiness, quality of life and success. The right people can help propel us in the fulfillment of our goals, while the wrong associations can bring pain. No relationship is neutral; the company we keep affects us all either positively or negatively.

Recently, we’ve become purposeful in taking inventory of the kinds of relationships we have and the quality of our human interactions. We realize that it is possible to maintain a clutter-free home and work area while never truly experiencing wholeness. De-cluttering material possessions alone is not enough.

Letting people go has been one of the most challenging tasks of our simplicity journey by far. Things can be sold, donated, or thrown away if deemed useless. This is not to overlook the fact that we can be sentimental when it comes to certain memorabilia that have intrinsic value.

Things can be symbolic of the people we care so deeply for, but they are not the people themselves. Emotional bonds we have with things are nowhere as profound as the depth of relationships we have with people.

How do we let people go when a relationship has run its course?

Despite the handful of times we’ve had to deal with letting people go, dealing with problematic relationships still gives us heartache. It’s not an area we’ve mastered. Bad relationships will never cease to exist as long as we are in this life. However, we can minimize the pain of letting people go if we know a few keys about relationships.

  • To begin, when possible, it’s important to make every effort to repair broken relationships. We should be courageous enough to admit wrong, give others the benefit of the doubt, and most of all, forgive. No one is perfect. Sometimes people deserve a “do over.” But if you are dealing with a chronic or dysfunctional relationship, the signs that you’re in a bad relationship might already be obvious to you. It’s time to let the person go and move on.
  • Some relationships are toxic. Although certain people can seem nice or well intentioned, they may have relational habits that are pernicious, that they may or may not be aware of. They bring unnecessary stress, regret, drama, and abuse. They use, manipulate and control others. They may even do really nice things for you; yet with the wrong motive, their actions bring pain.

If you’ve determined that the relationship is truly going in the wrong direction, take action quickly. Don’t allow toxic relationships to drag on. Remove yourself from it and give yourself permission to love people from a distance. You deserve better!

  • One of the hardest lessons we’ve had to learn is that not every relationship is meant to be permanent. Naturally, most healthy people evolve in their outlook and sense of self. Despite the fact that you’ve grown, their perception of you may never change. Some people are just not going to be comfortable with the new you. Their static view of you will make your life miserable and zap your energy and spirit. Be grateful for the good memories. But there comes a time when you must cut the strings and let go.

We all need people in our lives. But we must use wisdom with each relationship commitment. Consider quality over quantity. A few good friends are far more meaningful than having hundreds of casual friends who merely “like” you.

And most importantly, cultivate positive friendships for health and wholeness. Start off by not giving too much, too soon of yourself. Take baby steps in a relationship. Trust is earned over time.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to going uncomplicated, comment below or join me on Facebook.

 

8 thoughts on “Letting People Go

  1. Kathryn Adamson says:

    Good words Kelvin. So hard to let people go, to know when to and when not to, and to evolve. To set boundaries, and to be ok with it all. Thanks for the reminder today.

  2. Zelma Dodd says:

    Wise words my son. Just because people come into our lives does not mean we should allow them to “camp out” in our lives.

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  4. Kellyann says:

    Awesome post…I definitely agree with you and I beleive that some relationships are not meant to last a lifetime maybe just for a season until a lesson is taught and learnt. It can become quite complicated when it’s time to let go but eventually we realize it was the right decision. Just over a year now ,after numerous calls and apologies I decided it was time to let go off a relationship I once cherished and early this year while reading the Proverbs, I came across Proverbs 13:20 that encourages to walk with wise men if we want to be wise…another proverbs also encourages friendships or relationships to be uplifting ” as iron sharpens iron so does a friend. Joel Osteen said it, in order for us to reach our full potential we ought to get rid of the wrong people in our lives. Letting go can be tough but sometimes it’s definitely the right choice we have to make to see change in our life. You’re a blessing.

    • Kelvin Belfon says:

      I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to let go of that relationship. We all struggle because we want to give people the benefit of the doubt and desire to make things work. It’s how we are wired. But though painful, we need to move on. I’m glad you had the strength to do it. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Kellyann. Appreciate it very much!!

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