Tag Archives: motivation

How to Respond to Rejection

by Kelvin Belfon

How-Respond-Rejection-Job

Thank you for your interest… After reviewing your application, we regret to inform you…

Have you ever received a letter containing those dreadful words?

Well, I have, multiple times. They don’t ever seem to go away and last week after I retrieved my mail, I was reminded of the empty feeling those words leave. It cuts like a dagger to know that something you so anticipated would be a reality, something you had already began to mentally arrange life to accommodate, would not be after all.

There’s a certain natural progression that takes place within the first paragraph of these kinds of letters. First, emotionlessness, then disappointment, then discouragement, and sometimes even depression. Somehow, I’m even programmed to stop reading once my eyes glances those awful trigger words.

Do you know what I mean?

We regret to inform you….

Really?

Over the years I’ve discovered that my response to these letters and rejection in general has changed. I no longer feel inferior or emotional after reading those words.

You see, we all desire acceptance. It’s a basic human need. So rejection is never easy to concede no matter how many times we’ve been declined. Some gut reaction to rejection is to be expected. The secret lies in controlling that response. It’s the only way to help make swallowing the pill much more bearable.

 

How to Respond to Rejection

The first rejection isn’t the final answer. A denial doesn’t mean a closed door. Try again. Write another letter. Make an appeal. Make a phone call. Try somewhere else. Speak with another person, if necessary to a manager. Be persistent, creative, and tenacious. Ask questions and find another way to make things happen. Elbert Hubbard said, “A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.”

Use the rejection as an opportunity to improve. When someone says no, if possible, find out the specifics of why. Then use the feedback to learn, grow and become better. When I was 21, an online professor said he couldn’t read my handwriting for an assignment. The note was a blow to my ego. But after my pity-party, I did something about it. You see, as I went through school in my country, typing classes weren’t offered. So, I bought a “Learn to Type” program at the local office supply store and got to work on it. I learned and the rest is history.

Don’t take the rejection personal. There are multiple reasons why a position is not offered to you. Some companies have their “man” already lined up before the job posting. There could be too many qualified applicants in the pool for the same position. Whatever the reason, the decision may have nothing to do with your personality, intellect or skills. Everyone is not out to sabotage you. Be kind to yourself and avoid an unhealthy self-judgment or criticism. Clear your mind from feelings of unworthiness and move on.

The rejection is their loss, not yours. Resumes, applications and even interviews don’t always capture a person’s true potentials. Even more, committees sometimes have so many applications to comb through that they end up streamlining their review to a few keywords that they’ve decided tells them whether the candidate they are looking for is you or not. This process is loaded with all kinds of opportunities for error because great applicants are sometimes ruled out without their awareness of it. You live with yourself and know the benefits you can bring an organization or relationship. If you are qualified but have recently received the “we regret to inform you” letter…it’s ok. It’s their loss, not yours.

Use the rejection as motivation to start your own. A “no” might be the exact word you need to hear. If you are passionate about your idea, maybe it’s time to launch your own business. You may need to have a few conversations with key people who know of important connections you need to make or critical facts you need in order to get going. Many people have used “rejection” as an opportunity to build their dreams. Why not you? Why not now?

 

little-more-persistence-Elbert-Hubbard

 

Rejection could mean not now but later. There were times when I thought, “ Kelvin, you’re ready.” But I was young and naïve. In hindsight the rejection letters only protected me. The right timing is everything. In my last semester of college, I applied to continue my education in Israel. The request wasn’t approved and I concluded that the door to Israel was forever closed. It’s been a 13-year wait till now. In just a few days, a work colleague and I will be leading a group close to 100 people on a Holy Land Tour. As I ponder what has transpired over the years since that first rejection, going to Israel is so much more meaningful now.

Be grateful for the rejection. Yes, I know it sounds crazy but a rejection might be a blessing in disguise. Some relationships, work environments or ventures are toxic and hold the potential of sucking you dry. A month ago, I was coaching a young man who was miserable in his job. The turn over in his department was outrageous. When I got off the phone, I remembered how the same position was offered to me 3 years ago. All I could think to myself was, “Yes, I’ve dodged another bullet.” Oh, if we all had a crystal ball we would be writing more thank you notes to those people or committees that reject us instead of questioning our self-worth!

It would be great to hear similar stories from you. Have you experienced rejection that ended up being a blessing in disguise?

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Going Uncomplicated, comment below or join me on Facebook.

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7 Healthy Habits to Cultivate…Slowly

by Kelvin Belfon

healthy-habits-cultivate-grow

 

The older I get, the faster time seems to just fly away. It was only 10 weeks ago when I began to make plans for the upcoming year. I could not wait! Now it’s the middle of February with only 10 months in the year left. Ouch!

The same is true of my New Years resolutions. These commitments seem to just fly away. Each year I make my typical list…again: Spend more time with the family, pray more, gain weight (yeah, I know, but it’s true), become debt free, and so on.

Then the struggle to stay consistent usually begins around this time of year – February. The enthusiasm starts to slow down and eventually the well-intended promises never make it to the finish line.

The reality is that only 8% of people are successful at achieving their resolutions. Despite this fact, I keep making them, each year. Any accomplishment is better than a life without aspirations, I reasoned.

But over the last 2 years, I’ve made small changes. Instead of resolutions, I’ve decided to focus on cultivating healthy habits to change my lifestyle. The following are 7 habits I’ve been working on slowly.

7 Healthy Habits

Becoming an early riser. I’ve always been a nighthawk, consistently staying up past midnight. And that worked for most of my life. But now, the combination of longer workdays and caring for my little ones have left me exhausted at nights. The switch to rising early was a tough shift. I love sleeping in. But morning is the time when I can be most productive.

Embracing minimalism. In the last 13 years, I’ve accumulated quite a bit of material possessions. The majority has been gifted from my wedding; but later I acquired more on my own every time we relocated. It seems like there has always been a need to customize the new space with new things.

My decision to embrace a minimalist lifestyle has helped create more space, reduced time spent cleaning and caring for things, made our home eco-friendly, and minimized potential debt. But creating room for family and other valuable relationships has been the biggest benefit. In this area, I continue to grow.

Improving my health. I’ve become careless with my diet since moving to America. It’s been more processed foods instead of the normal raw fruits and vegetables. Junk food was cheaper and more convenient. In addition, my exercising routine was non-existent. Returning to a healthy habit of caring for my body was and continues to be a challenge. But I’m taking baby steps like walking more, jogging, and eating raw foods.

Fostering a lifelong learning passion. I had a library with over 5,000 books! But since graduate school, I began to read less, sometimes spending more precious time in front of that rectangular box – the television – than I ought to. Personal development doesn’t just happen by osmosis. So I’ve regained my commitment to reading regularly, exposing myself to new thoughts and ideas.

Establishing relationship boundaries. In the past, I lacked boundaries in my relationships. Because I love to please, I used to have a hard time saying no and letting people know how I really felt. As a result, this was perceived as weakness. I allowed people to control and manipulate my life. It was toxic.

Ending certain relationships, although necessary, was pretty painful. Even so, establishing boundaries by saying no was extremely liberating. I even saw other benefits, such as the improvement of my physical health.

Confronting fears. I’ve never really mastered the English language. So I’ve really feared the idea of starting a blog and going public with my writing. The same was true about other major decisions like relocating, starting a new job slightly outside of the career I’d been used to, and, of course, ending toxic relationships. Fear is paralyzing! But I’m stepping out little by little to confront the unknown.

Practicing Contentment. I must admit, I keep wanting just a little more each week, each month and each year. My wants are typical like a house, car, clothing, electronics, etc. The problem is that no one’s ever truly satisfied once we start going past the basics. We want the best, biggest and the latest.

The habit of contentment is learning that more doesn’t equate happiness. It’s accepting yourself, avoiding meaningless comparisons with others, and living a life of gratitude that brings fulfillment. Sounds good, but I struggle to practice everyday.

Cultivate with the right motivation

The above habits are not exhaustive.

They are strategies you take along your journey, not the final destination. Becoming an early riser is not the goal. On the contrary, the goal is to give the most productive hours of the day to achieving those things in life that are musts.

Moreover, becoming health conscious is more than loosing weight. The greater motivation is to avoid preventable diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and heart attacks. This enables us to be around a little longer for our loved ones.

…Slowly 

When making resolutions, I used to give myself timetables. But the reality is, to make a habit become a lifestyle requires lots of time. I may need even a few years to get there.

We need time to cultivate new habits, and even more, to unlearn old ones. So lets give ourselves permission to go slow, fail, and restart again…all without condemnation, until we achieve what we desire to be.

What healthy habits are you cultivating in your life?

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